We lost our dad a few months ago, 4 months ago actually, to the day. He had a huge impact in our lives and as young children; played a massive part in shaping us, in preparation for the future. He managed this, in spite of working very long hours as a lorry driver. One thing he always said was this: “Respect yourself and your good name. You might have a hole in the arse of your trousers, but if your name is good, you can walk any street, enter any room, with your head held high”. To this day, it’s an ethos I carry with me and I know my siblings do too. We try to pass it on to our own children and we hope and pray, they will carry it through their lives. Another thing dad always said was, to do your best; you will make mistakes, learn from them, get up and try again.
At times, I sit down and think back at my mistakes. I actually cringe at some of them and I wonder, sometimes out loud, “did I actually f*cking do that”. I wonder how many people reading this have a skeleton in the closet. Have they a part of their life that causes them embarrassment, regret or deep sorrow. If we were to be honest, I’ll bet most of us have.
It’s called fallibility. It’s that right, that duty, that guarantee, that you will make a mistake. You’ve let your guard down, you didn’t stop for a moment and think, you forgot, you let the moment cloud your judgement.
I have a huge interest in media, writing in particular. I’m involved in a project at the moment where I hope, over the next year or so, that I can apply this interest to other avenues of media, such as web authoring, design and if I’m really lucky, maybe etch out a meagre living. It’s a long way off yet, but as Blackadder would say, “I have a cunning plan”.
It’s an interest that I always had, but never really sat down to expand upon it. Luckily, at a late stage in my life, I got the opportunity to finally get around to it and build upon it. I’ve been very lucky, through social media, Facebook and WordPress in particular, to find an avenue, to express myself, create debate, offer opinion or raise awareness. Recently, I’ve been given the opportunity and the thrill, to take this interest on to the airwaves, doing discussion on local radio. It is a privilege and an honour to get the chance to engage in media like that.
Every morning, I read through the papers online, as I wait for the caffeine to kick start my system. Sometimes, I feel more and more aggrieved, angry, embarrassed and downright insulted at the stuff produced.
The standards of Irish journalism were always high in my opinion. We left the “gutter press” as we labelled it, to the imported “rags” as we called them. I must admit that there were certain rags that I wouldn’t leave into the house. In actual fact I wouldn’t put them under the dog, as I would respect her too much.
Yesterday morning, as usual, as the very strong morning Kenco ran through my system, I read through a typical Irish newspaper. It’s a newspaper I would hold in very high regard and the paper that I would begin my day with. Some of my favourite sportspeople write for it and despite what people may think, I believe that they try, to be impartial, balanced and well produced.
Yesterday, however, all that changed. Out of respect, I’m not going to reproduce what was written here, but a quick synopsis is as follows.
A young man suffers the horror of addiction. He commits a crime, gets caught, the law takes its course, he has his day in court, admits his guilt and faces the consequences.
You would think that would be the end of it, but no, not in Ireland. Not in the 24/7 scrum for daily sales, shock, click bait, advertising and an insatiable appetite for “news”. No, the “news”paper decided that it should be necessary to publish the young man’s face, name him, shame him, destroy him and destroy his family. My question is why?
One of the down sides to social media is the “name and shame” culture that has developed. What does it achieve? Does it make us feel any better? Does it solve the problem?
Stubbs Gazette, Tax Defaulters, Court reporting, Social Welfare Fraud, Petty crime or honest mistakes. Be careful, once the law is finished with you, your sentence is only beginning. I was involved in a debate recently and everybody was unanimous, that naming and shaming is wrong and solves nothing. It doesn’t happen too often, that everybody agrees like that.
Have you children? Who cares. Have you parents? Who cares. Have you extended family? Who cares. Have you friends? You’re about to find out, very quickly.
Addiction is an illness, proven so, by people much more clever and educated than me. It’s so easy to sit down in the cold light of day and pass judgement. I wonder how many children walk in to their parents or career guidance teacher, with the following plans for the future:
I want to wake up frozen cold, soaked in my own vomit and urine. I want to feel the agony, as my bones ache for a narcotic fix. I want the pain of hepatitis and HIV. I want my head to feel like it will explode for the want of cheap alcohol. I want to be despised by society. I want my parents to cry at night, as they feel like failures and as they feel my pain. I don’t ever wish to feel the luxury of a roof over my head, the warmth of a nice fire, the pleasure of a warm coffee. I’d rather be sitting on my cardboard box in a doorway near the methadone clinic, hopefully the wind won’t be as cold at night and hopefully the late night revellers will leave me be. I’d rather steal money than work, alienating me from the few friends that I have. I want to destroy the love my family and friends always provided me with.
When all that is done, I’d really like my name and picture on the papers, so that whatever tiny hopes of redemption, recovery or future I may have is well and truthfully ruined. For good measure, the papers will add it to their social media sites too, just to make sure my life is ruined. Then, the so called, pillars of society will have their say, the trolls will have their say and let’s not forget the keyboard warriors, it wouldn’t be fair to leave them out would it.
I don’t think that many of the children on their summer camps, on holidays or just chilling out today, will see any of the above as the next step in their lives. However, one mistake, one ill-judged moment, can lead to catastrophe. Redemption, is at the whim of a newspaper editor.
In the meantime, we will line up outside our newsagents, waiting like vultures, to see “who made the papers”. It’s disgusting, immoral, unnecessary and most certainly un-Irish. Irish people always stood up for their family, their neighbour or their friend.
As I said at the outset, my dad drilled respect into us. Respect for ourselves, respect for our family, our friends and our neighbours. He would also be the first to offer help, when we made our mistakes (and we made plenty of them, actually still doing it).
We live in different times now and it’s not all good. Now, you make a mistake, you get up and try to shake yourself down, but it’s harder. People who make mistakes, quickly find out who their friends are. Family will always stand by them, no matter what, that’s what parents in particular do.
Another thing my dad said was “There, but for the grace of god, go I”. Let’s not be so quick to rush to judgement.
The Unknown Bike Rider 