This weeks blog has nothing to do with cycling, so my apologies to regular readers in the cycling fraternity. Normal service will resume next issue.
Were you ever driving along in your car, with the radio on, listening to the programme, but still a million miles away? It’s a strange feeling of your body doing all the motions, your mind and brain are doing all the necessary skills required to drive the car, but you’re still that million miles away. It’s like a parallel universe or something and very strange.
The other morning, I was driving to Clonmel (a local town about 10 miles away) and I was listening to a young woman speaking on the radio. The woman’s name is Claire and her story is so fascinating, I’ll post the link on this post, as people really ought to listen to it. It’s tragic, scary and it actually brought a tear to my eye. The interview was also very relevant, as it referred to abortion and to the ongoing debate about the upcoming referendum in Ireland. I would urge people to listen to Claire’s story as it is an eye opener. [1] However, in my case, as I listened, my mind began to wander and therein, my “out of body experience occurred”.
I looked at our own lives, as the proud parents of the most wonderful little boy in the world. I suppose he’s no longer a little boy, as he’s 12 years old now. As he grows, he’s beginning to get a bit of an attitude and you know what, he’s also a bit of a rogue. He loves going to school, has his little circle of close friends and is very popular with his teachers and pupils alike. He loves nothing more than being at home and he is very attached to the family. Family means a lot to him and every day, the same question is asked “Are we all home tonight?” Even the family dog, is included in the family group, as he loves animals too.
Then, my mind began to wander a little bit further away. I found myself in Omsk, Russia,[2] on March 16th, 2006. A woman entered a hospital, gave birth to a baby boy and later on, she walked away, leaving him behind in the care of the hospital and ultimately, the state. Nobody knows why she left him behind, or her circumstances. She made a decision, based on her state of mind or god knows what else, she then walked away and we often wonder whether or not she looked back. It still saddens us that this woman had no other options but to walk away and leave him..
At that very same time in 2006, both of us, not a very young couple in Ireland were heading out on the long path of adoption. The adoption path is not for the faint hearted and if you’re not 100% committed to it, stay clear. It will test your resolve, your togetherness and your commitment and there are as many lows as there are highs.
However, in this case, fate would intervene, and this twist of fate would ultimately lead to that little baby boy ending up living in Ireland, with that very same couple. It’s a long, long story that would actually fill a book, let alone a few pages on an internet blog. It’s a deeply personal story of profound sadness, of incredible highs, plenty tears and lots of laughter.
Our lives were transformed by this little boy. Sure, there were problems as he tried desperately to settle down on the other side of the planet. There was the frustration that we felt, struggling to cope. Of course there were times when we asked, what the hell have we left ourselves in for and if we were to look inside that little mind, I’ve no doubt he said, what the hell am I doing here.
However, life always finds a way and fate doesn’t intervene for the sake of things. Everybody worked hard and as they say, “love conquers all”. We settled as a family and the greatest word any adult can hear is “mammy or daddy”. When that little child looks at you with a puzzled face, or that mischievous look, when they have misbehaved and they know they are in trouble. When they go down with a pain or an ache and as a parent, you would wish that you could feel their pain instead. I heard a man on radio recently referring to a parents love as something you cannot quantify or even explain. It’s a different kind of love, without any conditions.
All this was still going through my mind, as I approached my destination in Clonmel. I stopped the car and sat for a while, alone with my thoughts. I thought of that woman in Russia, all those years ago and I imagined if something similar happened in Ireland, what would happen.
The authorities would plead for the woman to come forward, where every assistance the state could provide would quite rightly be made readily available for her welfare and well being. In Ireland, it is very rare that a person would find themselves in a similar situation as that woman and that is something we should be very happy about.
I thought of the options available to the woman at that stage in her life. When did she reach the tipping point in her life and decide to walk away, leaving her flesh and blood behind? Does she ever think of him, as his birthday comes around every year? I even wondered if she is even still alive? In our case, that little boy has known of his origins since he could first understand it. He sometimes refers to his natural mother in jest, sometimes there is a serious edge to it. We have a duty to answer every question he asks, make every resource available to him, should he ever decide to attempt in tracking her down. It will be an impossible task for him, we know that, in time he will know that too. Our greatest wish would be that some day he would meet her and that we would get to shake her hand and thank her
At this stage, there were a few more tears in my eyes, moments before a meeting that could be very influential in determining the next year of my life.
As the rain that we have become accustomed to in Ireland this year, hammered off my car once again, I thought about the choices that a woman will have to make at stages in their lives. I thought of those decisions that only a woman can make. I don’t believe that anybody has a right to tell anybody what they can and cannot do. A woman should make up her mind herself and it should be her right.
Finally, I thought of Claire in the interview I thought of her mother, at age 13 going in to an abortion clinic. Then, I thought of our little boy, the intervention of fate and how much we love him and how our lives would be totally meaningless without him.
When I got home, I gave him a hug and told him I loved him so much. He was playing his Playstation with his friends and didn’t need to hear it. 12 year olds don’t really do kisses and cuddles, especially when their friends are listening in.
One thing is for sure, he’ll never know the half of it. We surely will, his natural mother will and thankfully, she chose life.
[1] https://soundcloud.com/tippfmradio/the-amazing-story-of-a-woman-who-survived-an-abortion
The Unknown Bike Rider 